My Dad Won't Let Anyone Go to His Doctor Appointment

About five years ago, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had some of his colon removed and also had to undergo chemo. Recently, the doctors detected that both his white blood cell count and platelets are high. My dad said one of the doctors told him he was anemic.

He is having a bone marrow biopsy in a few days and I am very nervous. You see, we just lost our mother from aplastic anemia (it just passed three months) and it's been very hard on me. A week after the biopsy, he has a consultation scheduled and my sister wants to go with him to the appointment. But, as he put it, he feels as if she would be intrusive.

I'd appreciate any advice you could provide with getting my dad to understand that it is important for my sister to be there. My sister was a major contributor to helping out the family with my mother's illness.

You're in a difficult spot here, trying to balance your father's wishes with what you feel is best for his health. My suggestion is for both you and your sister to sit down with him, alone, and talk about it. Why does he consider it intrusive? Is he embarrassed? Make sure he knows you'll be out of the room during any exam period if he wants, so you won't see anything he doesn't want you to see, or hear anything he doesn't want you to hear.

Another thing would be to offer a compromise: go with him to the appointment, but stay in the waiting room the whole time. Let him talk to the doctor about whatever he wants to, alone. But then, have a post-appointment meeting with the doctor, in your father's presence, after he and the doctor have spoken privately. Just ask the doctor to call you in like a second patient--the doctor will see you now, too. The doctor will know which parts of the conversation were important and bear repeating.

I don't know if that will work for you, but it may be worth a shot. I wish the best for you and your family. Please keep me posted.

Please remember that I am not a medical professional. I offer my input as a neighbor, a friend, sitting at the kitchen table talking about what's on your mind and trying to help if I can. This is not medical advice. Please don't consider it medical advice or pass it on to others as medical advice. Thanks.